Have you ever wondered why your friend’s cat hates visitors, but always comes over to say hi to you?
Or why you’re always late for coffee dates because you just can’t not play with the tabby next door? Or why you think a meow is the cutest of all animal sounds?
You are a cat person and you don’t know it.
The cats, on the other hand, they know. That’s why you’re always bumping into them. They’ve already firmly established themselves as your spirit animals.
According to them, too many humans are dog people, and so they jump at anyone with potential (there’s no rush, you can thank them later).
In the meantime, see how many cat-person signs you can tick off the list. If it’s three or more, you know you have already been turned into the perfect cat ally.
1. You can’t do daily walks
You simply don’t have the time or energy for it. All you want to do before and after work is choose how you spend your time.
And you need variety. So whether you want to catch up on sleep, or wake up at dawn to get more work done, you can’t possibly have a dog pulling at your blanket just so he can drag you outside.
Being towed around on a leash until your shoulder dislocates is a pleasure you are happy to leave to somebody else.
2. You can’t deal with poop in public
Unless they live in a cave deep in the woods, dog people get embarrassed in public regularly.
If their dogs don’t decide to suddenly let loose on the pavement, then they’ll definitely do it next to a stranger’s picnic blanket in the park. Or, the best of all, in front of your sexy neighbor’s house.
I used to dog-walk for other people before, and I loved those dogs. But things do go awkward. The sexy guy next door is guaranteed to walk by just as you are holding the bulky biodegradable poop bag. Or worse, just as you are filling it up.
Cats, on the other hand, they make it so easy. They go to a discreet dedicated space, and they even cover everything up for you. Dispose at your own leisure, when no one is watching.
3. You stalk every cat you see on the street
As far as cats are concerned, there are two kinds of people in the world — the ones who walk straight past them, and the ones who kneel and talk to them in weird voices.
If you are a real cat person, not only do you stop to say hi, but you also worry about their safety. Is this where they live or are they lost? Is someone feeding them? That collar seems far too tight (as you try to see if the cat lets you loosen it a little).
I have missed buses because of cats. I know where their hiding spots are in my neighborhood. Once, I returned a lost cat to her garden — she was a full four blocks away from the address on her collar (the only thing cat collars are actually good for).
See, the inability to resist stroking every cat you meet is definitely worth it.
4. You don’t take offence when cats scratch you
You know they don’t hate you.
You know they’re probably just irritated by your intrusion. And who can blame them — have they asked for your attention? Have they said they want to be scooped up in the middle of a super important pigeon-stalking session?
After all, you wouldn’t like to just be removed when you’re in the middle of your grocery shopping, either.
5. You don’t mind cat hair on clothes
Even if your style is all-black-everything.
It’s just a bit of hair, nothing a little sticky roller doesn’t solve.
Except you don’t have a sticky roller. And you always end up looking like a cat yourself, having added another layer to your already warm enough coat.
And while your friends may freak out at the sight of your new look, you remain perfectly composed. No perfect black is worth missing out on a cat cuddle.
6. You don’t need to be the master
The feline sense of self is strong.
You appreciate the need for independence because you don’t like being told what to do, either.
You enjoy the subtle and clever ways they communicate and celebrate every time you manage to correctly decode their mood.
And more importantly, you know this: When cats choose to spend time with you, they’ve literally dropped everything else on their daily patrol, just to be with you. Now, that’s a true sign of love.
It’s why they’re not assholes. They simply know what they want and don’t see the point in bothering with anything else. And they wish humans could do the same.
7. You don’t mind mice and hairballs
When you hang out at your friend’s and the cat’s house, you laugh whenever you accidentally step in a hairball.
You don’t mind seeing mice everywhere you look.
You kick alarmingly realistic-looking mice on your way to the kitchen, you sit on them when you sit on the couch, there’s one in the guest toilet, and you find one in your shoe. When you pick it up, it squeaks.
Mice (mostly toys), hairballs, and cat vomit is the daily reality of living with cats. And if you’re cool dealing with that, you’re ready for anything.
8. You’re a homely person
You don’t get out of the house for anyone other than your best friends. And even then, you’d rather just invite them over.
You’re always the one who cooks. You always have the best-stocked bar, cozy chairs, and piles of cushions scattered everywhere. You’d always rather read a book than small-talk in a pub. Your idea of quality time is enjoying your garden or dusting the library.
Homely people with comfy, lived-in places are the perfect feline guardians.
Just imagine how a ball of purring fluff would add to the overall snuggly feeling of your home. And to get the best results, ideally, you want one curled up in every room.
9. You find the grand feline presence comforting
It’s true. There’s nothing more zen than a sleeping cat.
It always calms me down to wander through the house during the kitty nap times. Usually, I find a cat in every room. They’re like works of art, scattered sculptures of bliss displayed on shelves and sofas. You touch them, and they start purring.
Their presence is soothing. I marvel at them the same way they marvel at the first morning sun. They make our home home.
They make me want to adopt even more of them.
Right now, animal shelters everywhere are full of beautiful cats patiently waiting to find a home.
And if you tick any of the above boxes, you’re their perfect person.
Don’t worry — shelter cats are 100% amazing.
Their only baggage is losing their homes, or their humans. They understand you’re there to rescue them. And once they adapt to the new surroundings, they become incredibly lovely and grateful.
Give them back their comfort, and let them fill your home with confident, loving, zen energy.
You won’t regret it for a second. Except the second they take over all your comfy chairs. But then again, you can just as well settle on the floor, and listen out for the purrs.
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